I Will Not Forget
by slam a revolving door
Summary: [Pre Last Battle, Post Silver Chair] In the end they managed to cope with their world in their own way. Except for Lucy. She wandered in and out of the days, in a dream. She hadn't left Narnia behind ... could she ever?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not a genius. That's why I don't own the Narnia series.

A/N: This is NOT a one-shot. I repeat. This is NOT a one-shot.

It take place during the break in before the Last Battle, just after Aslan returns Lucy and Edmund to England, after telling them they will never return. I'm hoping to bring it all the way up to the Last Battle, if there's enough interest. Please Read and Review!

Chapter 1

Lucy was never the beauty in the family. That was Susan's job. And most of the time, she was fine with it. But occasionally, those small pangs of jealousy plucked mockingly at her heart. One such time was when she was reading the magician's book. But that passed quickly.

Now that they were no longer in Narnia, it was easy to forget how much Aslan meant to them. That was what Susan did. Lucy never forgot. How could she?

Sitting in her room at home, she remembered Aslan telling her that she would never return to Narnia. It had hurt, but at the same time, it had made sense. Was this what Susan and Peter had gone through? They had all reacted in their different ways.

Peter had become a man. Edmund had grown up. Susan had brushed it aside. And Lucy? Lucy remembered.

"Lu? Are you in here?" The voice that broke through her thoughts was that of her brother, Peter.

"Yes. I'm here. Come in." Peter never had to knock on her door before. But now she was growing up, whether she liked it or not. And Peter respected that. The door opened slowly. Peter stepped into the room.

Oh, how he had grown. He was no longer the boy who had disbelieved her when she had first found Narnia. He was becoming more and more like the King she had once known. His presence was overwhelming, and the respect he inspired in her was so great.

"What are you doing?" He asked. Peter always had time for her. He always stopped to check on her. Sometimes she felt that he was worried, concerned about her. Worried that a part of her had remained in Narnia.

"I'm thinking." Lucy replied calmly. "Would you like to join me?" Peter sat on her bed next to her.

"About Narnia?"

"Do I think about much else?" She laughed the question off. Now Peter definitely looked worried.

"Lu… I know Narnia is important. But shouldn't you start living?"

"I am living Peter."

"Not in this world."

"There's so much to live for in this world. I have discovered the Church… God… but sometimes I need to remember. Just in case I forget." _Like Susan_. The unspoken words hung in the air between them. Peter hugged her.

"You'll never forget, Lucy. Not as long as you live."

"And after, as well?"

"And after as well."

She smiled. Though she may have grown, she never stopped trusting. Peter's words comforted her, like nothing else did.

"Come outside, Lu." Peter stood up and extended his hand to her. "Come and live." Gladly, Lucy stood up. She took Peter's hand, and like two children playing in the early hours of morning, she left with him.

Or like two monarchs standing in front of the court.

It was late when Susan came home. Mother and Father looked up from their conversation at the dining table when she waltzed in.

"Susan." Father said sternly, as Susan made to leave the room without a word to anyone at the table. Susan spun around gracefully, a look of exaggerated surprise pasted firmly onto her face.

"Father! I didn't see you there!"

Lucy gazed at her sister. Her magnificent head of long, dark curls shone with sparkling lights. Her face was flushed with excitement. But her eyes… her eyes… were empty and cold.

Lucy looked at Peter and Edmund. Their faces had become strangely inscrutable and blank. Susan turned to the rest of them.

"Hello children!" she greeted them cheerfully. "You wouldn't believe the party I was at!" Only Lucy replied.

"Did you have fun?" She asked cautiously.

"Did I have fun!" Susan smiled patronisingly. "Honestly Lucy, you should get out there with me. You're nearly fifteen, and you don't go out at all! What _are _we going to do with you!" Here Peter interrupted.

"Lucy is perfectly happy at home." Of course he would be offended. He had made a special effort to return from Oxford that night so the family could be together… and Susan hadn't even shown. Until now.

"Nonsense, Pete, dear. No one can be happy at _home!" _Susan gushed. Edmund's expression looked decidedly black as he replied.

"I'm sure Lucy doesn't wish to gallivant around town with people she doesn't know." Lucy lowered her head. She remembered all the times when they had all gotten along.

"Don't let's argue." Lucy pleaded. "Can we talk in the garden after dinner?"

Peter and Edmund looked bemused, but readily agreed. Susan laughed condescendingly.

"If that'll make you happy, dear."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do NOT – repeat, DO NOT – own any C.S. Lewis novels.

A/N: thank you to ALL my reviewers. I would acknowledge you here, but I'm not allowed… gr…

Chapter 2

Lucy looked at her siblings. It had been such a long time since she had last seen them all together. She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it.

Peter seemed to sense her discomfort, and smiled reassuringly at her.

"I want to talk." Lucy managed to force out. "About Narnia."

How different their reactions were. Peter jerked, as if he had been awakened from a bad dream, Edmund grew still, and a blissful smile spread across his face. And Susan… A dozen emotions flashed across her face, finally settling on her usual expression of amused condescension.

"Narnia? Do you still play those childhood games? Lucy! I'm ashamed of you! And Pete, and Eddie – encouraging her!"

Lucy froze. She had thought that by mentioning Narnia, everything would be alright between the siblings again.

Childish dreams…

Susan stood up.

"I refuse to participate in such childish discussion." With the sweeping grace of the queen she once was, Susan left.

Lucy sat down and cried bitterly. She felt Peter and Edmund put their arms around her.

"Don't cry, Luce. We'll get back to Narnia some day."

"No we won't!" sobbed Lucy. "Aslan said so."

Over the top of her head, Edmund and Peter exchanged glances.

"Would you like to talk to the Professor and Aunt Polly? Have a chat about the old days?" Peter suggested tentatively.

"With Jill and Eustace?" It was so easy to console her. Sometimes Peter thought she had left her grown-up self back in Narnia.

"Yes, Luce. If you want."

Lucy sat up.

"Thank you." She whispered, hugging her brothers.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All of them felt the separation from Narnia. Peter mused as he sat in his Oxford dormitory. But Lucy felt it the keenest.

She had always been the most sensitive – the one who first discovered Narnia – the one who saw Aslan – why should that have changed?

What if she never got used to this world? What if she was never made for this world? Peter shivered, as he got into bed.

How was Lucy going to cope with Susan's rejection?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edmund looked out at the night sky.

"Aslan…" He whispered. "Aslan… please help Luce. She needs you so much now." He remembered the look on Susan's face when… Susan? Where had that thought come from?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Susan had rejected Narnia as it had rejected her… or so she thought.

Now she had simply forgotten. It was a wise person who once said that "When people try to make themselves stupider than they really are, they usually succeed."

And that was what Susan had done. At the mention of the word Narnia, she had a sudden flash of memories… but then her new grown-up self had quashed it.

She gazed out the window.

"I don't want to remember." She whispered. "I don't want to remember."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucy rushed up to Peter.

"Peter!" Peter turned.

"Hello Lucy."

"Have you talked to the Professor and Aunt Polly yet?" Peter's eyes widened.

"No, Lu." Her face fell. "But I will." He hastened to reassure her.

Lucy smiled a wan tired smile. Peter looked at her. She looked so much older than she was.

"Do you want to go to the library with me?" asked Peter kindly. Lucy loved the library.

"No thanks, Peter. I'm tired… I think I should stay home."

She really did look exhausted. But Peter pressed on.

"Come on Lu… a bit of fresh air will do you good…"

Lucy tried to protest, but her brother's imploring, pleading face was so overwhelming. She couldn't say no, especially when he was so concerned about her. She bit her lip.

"Come on Luce… please… for my sake, if not for yours." How he would regret those words.

Lucy relented.

"Alright then." As she stepped out of the house with Peter, she called back to her parents.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She smiled and waved to reassure them,

As if she already knew what was about to happen.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia. I am not special enough.

Chapter 3

Lucy looked up at Peter and he was reminded vividly of the Wardrobe days when Lucy would look to him for help and comfort. How things changed! She looked so much more grownup now, but her eyes were still that of a trusting ten year old.

"Peter?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper. "Brother…" She slipped her hand into his, and Peter was suddenly aware of all the looks that they attracted. He looked down at Lucy, as though seeing her for the first time..

She was slender, almost to the point of skinniness. Her delicately featured face was not beautiful, as Susan's was, but held a certain allure and mystery, that made strangers turn to take a second glance. Her long golden hair was straight and lay perfectly in place.

She wasn't beautiful. She was so much more than that.

The look in her large grey eyes was imploring and trusting. They held the knowledge of something no mortal could understand.

"Are you alright, Lucy?" Peter asked her.

Lucy smiled.

"Never better."

They reached a road; Lucy released Peter's hand.

"Peter!" Peter turned around. A girl with long bouncing curls waved cheerfully at him.

"You go ahead." Peter told Lucy. "I'm just going to talk to Kristen."

Lucy didn't say anything. Instead, she looked at Peter, her eyes shining with that mysterious light, and nodded.

She nodded.

As Peter turned towards Kristen, smiling in welcome, Lucy stepped onto the road.

"Hello Kristen." Peter greeted the girl, his back to Lucy.

"Hi Peter." She beamed. Peter was about to say something, when Kristen's face lit up in horror.

"Look out!" She shrieked.

Too late.

There

Was

A

Squeal

Of

Brakes

And

When

The

High

King

Turned

To

Look

He

Saw

A

Narnian

Queen

Sprawled

On

The

Road.

A/N: Short chapter, I know… but it was going to be shorter. P If you review I'll give you virtual trifle. Deal?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia or any related material.

A/N: I love the dream. : )

Chapter 4

It was always the same dream. A voice in the back of her head calling urgently. Pictures appearing out of the blackness that she had become accustomed to. Then a face. A face that dispelled all the darkness. She could not tell if it were male or female, human or creature: it was all those at once. She longed to reach that being, and she strained with all her might to overcome to great divide between them, but that great head would shake, and say sadly. _"Not yet. It is not your time yet."_ And tears would pour down her face, because she would know that it was true.

Ah, that great space between them. It was frightening, and scared her beyond imagining. It was a great valley, a great space, a great sea, always changing, never consistent. Once or twice she ventured into it, and then someone would call her back.

Yes, it was the same voice in the back of her head calling her urgently. She had no idea whose voice it was, but it twinged at her memory. She wanted to see them, to hear them, but the voice would always fade away when she retreated from the darkness. And she would not seek it out either. Not while that face was there.

Of course sometimes both the voice and the face would vanish, and she would be left standing by that valley alone, to find her own way. She would first venture carefully one way and then the other, never being able to decide which way held more allure. Eventually it would prove too tiring for her, and she would just crumple and wish that she would wake up.

The face appeared less often, and the voice grew more insistent, and in that way, one day or night, she couldn't tell which, she found the valley fading, and she woke up.

Lucy's first thought was why the room was so bright. After spending days in the shadowed valley, she had to blink to get used to the light. She tried to get up, but realised she couldn't. At her pathetic attempts to sit up, two blurry figures rushed over.

"Luce!" One gasped. Lucy blinked, trying to see who it was. "Are you okay?" Lucy blinked a few more times. "Lucy, it's me. It's me, Edmund."

_Edmund. _The name twinged vaguely at her memory, and then she remembered.

"Edmund!" She whispered, holding out her arms for a hug and feeling like a child again. As his face clouded into view, she saw the second figure was Peter.

"Peter?" She asked softly. Edmund retreated, as Peter advanced towards her.

"I'm sorry." He said, sounding more like a schoolboy than a High King.

_A High King._

"Narnia!" She gasped. Peter looked at Edmund.

"Luce. You're not in Narnia."

_You're not in Narnia._

The words stung and bit.

"Narnia…" Lucy whispered, tears of longing falling down her cheeks. Then she remembered herself, and wiped the tears away. "It's not your fault… what happened?" She asked, in response to Peter's earlier apology. Edmund and Peter exchanged glances.

"You were hit by a car. You have been unconscious for two weeks now… you're in a hospital. Mother and Father are downstairs, taking a break. You have never been alone." Peter smiled.

"Mother and Father!" Edmund exclaimed. "I'll go tell them!"

"Get the doctors too." Peter called after Edmund's retreating back.

"Will do!"

Lucy struggled to get up.

"Can I sit up, Peter?" She asked.

"I think the doctors would prefer it if you stayed down for now, Lu."

"Alright." Lucy agreed. "And it's not your fault."

"I left you to talk to Kristen."

"I should be able to cross roads myself."

"You don't live in this world, Lu."

There was a silence.

"What does that mean?"

"You live in Narnia. The rest of us have found our place in this world. You… you're still struggling." Peter looked genuinely concerned.

"I miss it." Lucy admitted.

"The Professor sent us a letter. Aunt Polly, remember her, Lu? Aunt Polly invited us all to stay at her house to have a jolly good gas about Narnia. We received the letter, the day after you were… knocked down."

"Can we go?" Lucy asked eagerly.

"I think so… once you've recovered." Peter grinned down at his little sister. She opened her mouth to tell him about her dream, but realised that it was slowly slipping away.

"Lucy!"

Lucy's head jerked and she cried out, thoughts of the dream slipping away.

"Mother! Father!"

Crying in happiness and joy her parents celebrated her return to the world of the living.

It was not until much later, after the doctors had come and gone, that Lucy looked up into the smiling faces of her family and asked.

"Where's Susan?"

At that, the smiles disappeared from their faces, and Peter said gently.

"At a party. She hasn't been in contact for a while. She doesn't know you were unconscious."

"I suppose she would be here if she did know." Lucy smiled. Peter exchanged glances with the rest of their family, as they tried to cover up the awkward moment. But when they had gone left, save for the nurses, tears slipped out silently onto Lucy's pillow.

In mourning for the Queen Susan once was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that I do not own.**

**A/N: What did you guys think of the movie?**

Chapter 5

Susan laughed, ignoring the uneasy twinge at the back of her head.

"You _so _funny, Luke." She said, giggling and reaching for a drink. A small. Short brunette waltzed up to them.

"Hey, Luke." She greeted them. "Introduce me to your friend?"

"Susan, this is Lucia. Lu, this is Susan."

_Lu. _The name echoed dimly in Susan's mind. _Lu…cia… Lu…cy? _

"Lucy!" She gasped. The pair looked confused.

"No… it's Lu_cia._" Lucia replied, looking affronted.

"No… Lucy! My sister!" Susan exclaimed, putting her drink down. "Sorry. I have to go!"

-----------------

"Mother? Father?" Susan's keys jangled as she placed them back into her purse. She reached over and turned on the lights. "Peter? Edmund? _Lucy_?"

The headlights of a car pulling into their driveway made her jump up to the window. Moments later, voices filled the hallway, and her family walked in.

"Susan!" Her mother cried. "You're here!"

"Hi Mother." Susan reached over and plopped a kiss on her mother's cheek. "You look terrible. You really should get more makeup. Jenny showed me the best way to –"

"Never mind that, Susan." Peter interrupted. Susan turned to him.

"Oh, hello, Peter. I didn't see you there. You know, Jenny is dying to meet you. You two would look –"

"Susan!" Peter stopped her. "Look around you. Is… anyone…_missing_?" He spoke in a slow, steady voice that threatened tears.

"You're not _crying_, are you, Peter?" Susan laughed. But she did as she was told and looked around. Mother… Father… Peter… Edmund…_Lucy! _

"Where's Lucy?" Susan asked. That twinge of unease was back and bothering her. Edmund and Peter exchanged looks.

"In the hospital." Edmund answered with an exaggerated nonchalance. Susan stepped backwards as though he had punched her in the stomach… or as though the White Witch had turned her to stone.

_White Witch?_

"Is… is she okay?" Susan asked desperately. Edmund glared at her.

"She is _now._ Before she was unconscious – she has been for ages. And did you care? No!"

"That's enough, Edmund." Her mother said quietly. Susan remembered a time when she used to tell Edmund that. Edmund looked away, respecting his mother's wishes, yet refusing to speak to Susan. Peter glanced at him, and took over.

"Look. When Lu gets out of hospital, we are going to Aunt Polly's house. The Professor will be there… and Eustace… and Jill."

"Isn't that lovely, dear? You'll be able to talk of the games you used to play!" Her mother clasped her hand. Susan stared at Peter.

"Narnia. You want to discuss Narnia."

"No, _Lucy_ wants to discuss Narnia. You've neglected her enough, Su." Peter met her gaze boldly.

"She's my sister! She needs to lead her own life!" Susan retorted angrily.

"No, _you_ want to lead your own life. Apart from the rest of us. Apart from all our _childish imaginings._" Peter's voice was calm. Susan looked at her feet, silenced. Suddenly she felt so awkward… as opposed to the calm, poised girl that she usually was.

"Go with them, Susan. You'll have so much fun!" Her mother encouraged her.

"Yes, it'll get you away from all those unruly boys for a while." The disapproving tone in her father's voice only served to make her annoyed.

"Look, Su. Whether you go or not, we will. And we'll be as childish as we like. So make your choice. Mother's tired. She's spent all day at the hospital today. Lucy finally woke up – she asked for you."

Susan flopped back onto the sofa, suddenly exhausted.

"Look, stop making me feel guilty about Lucy. I'll go see her tomorrow… I'm sure she'll understand." She protested.

"Are you sure?" asked Edmund scornfully. "Are you sure you don't have a _party_ or a _gathering_ to go to?"

Susan frowned.

"Actually, Catherine did ask me to go to Michael's house…" She mused.

"No." Her father boomed. "You are going to see Lucy tomorrow. All other plans are, as from now, redundant."

"Fine." Susan muttered, glaring around at her family.

"But are you coming with us to Aunt Polly's or not?" Peter's voice had a sharp edge in it. Under the watchful gaze of her father, Susan answered.

"Fine… I'll go…"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Narnia or any related subject 

Chapter 6

"Lucy?"

Lucy opened her eyes blearily at the soft insistent call. The kindly nurse peered down at her.

"Good m…morning." Lucy greeted the nurse, stifling a yawn.

"How are we feeling today, dear?"

"Good thanks." Lucy replied, still trying to adjust to her surroundings. It was terribly hard when her head was still filled with aftermaths of her dream: _dear Caspian… the Dawn Treader… Reepicheep… _

"Lucy." The nurse sounded vaguely concerned. "Are you alright?"

Oh. She must have tuned out.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Your family is here for a visit." The nurse repeated, still looking worried.

"Oh!" Banishing all thoughts from her mind, Lucy struggled to sit up, but could not do so without the nurse's help.

"I'll bring them in now, dear." The nurse patted her on her head and turned on heel and left.

Lucy leaned against the windowsill and looked out on the streets below.

_I'm here. In _this _world, not that one._

-------------

Susan followed her family in. Peter was walking ahead and Edmund wasn't talking to her. Her parents were ignoring the coldness and tension in the air.

And there, by the window was her sister.

"Lu…" Edmund said. "Susan's here to see you."

At that, the smaller girl turned away from the window. The sunlight illuminated her head and for a moment Susan couldn't see her. Then the light vanished from behind her head and Susan could look at her properly again.

Lucy.

She was smiling slightly and her eyes were alight with joy. Her golden hair was loose and hung down past her shoulders. She had never been considered beautiful, but at that moment, Susan thought she had never seen someone that that word described better.

And then Lucy's lips parted in a cry and broke the moment.

"Susan!"

Susan was about to run towards her sister when she remembered herself. Slowly and gracefully, she moved towards her sister, sitting gingerly on the edge of her bed.

"How are you, Lucy?" She asked. Her voice sounded condescending even to her own ears.

"I'm good! How are you?" Lucy asked enthusiastically, choosing to ignore the patronising tone in her sister's voice.

"Oh, I've been so busy. Cassandra had a party and she had no idea what to wear! And neither did I for that matter!"

Lucy watched as her sister chattered unceasingly on and on.

For now, that was enough.

------------

"…oh, look at the time! I had better go, Lucy, Jenny will be waiting for me!" Susan stood up from her position on the bed.

"Wait!" Lucy cried. "Will you be coming to Aunt Polly's house with us?"

Susan hesitated for a moment.

"Oh, if I must, dear." She waited long enough for Lucy's face to register happiness and then rushed out the door. "Goodbye!" Susan called down the corridor.

As their parents started talking to Lucy, Edward turned to Peter.

"How _long _exactly did she stay for?" He asked, frowning slightly. Peter checked his watch.

"Ten minutes, approximately."

Edward's frown deepened.

"I thought so… but I was hoping my watch had stopped. No chance of that?"

Peter smiled bitterly.

"Sorry, Ed. No chance of that."

"At least Lucy made her promise to go with us to Aunt Polly's." Edmund commented.

"She didn't promise." Peter replied gloomily. "And that's the problem with Su. You can't pin her down to anything."

"Cheer up Peter… she was concerned about Lucy…" Edmund attempted to sound bright and cheery.

"Yes. For about ten minutes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own C.S. Lewisian works**

**Chapter 7**

"Ohh…" Lucy hopped from one foot to another. "Where's Susan?"

"Calm down, Lu. I'm sure she'll be arriving soon." Edmund smiled. Peter came forward to stand beside Edmund.

"Everything's ready." He said, gesturing towards the suitcases at the foot of the stairs. "I've got the train tickets and Father will drive us to the station. Mother can't come because there won't be enough room in the car."

"Sounds good." Edumund replied. "I haven't seen the Professor for such a long time!"

"He's getting along in years." Peter sighed. "But he's still as knowledgeable as ever."

"Aslan will call him home someday." Edmund looked grave. "But..."

Somewhere in the house a telephone rang, and Edmund allowed it to cut off his words.

"Someday we'll all be called home." Peter mused. "I wonder if home is Narnia?"

Edmund looked pensive.

"I suppose so. It's the place we felt most at ease at... but I can't imagine home without our parents - and they've never even _believed_ in Narnia."

"Maybe it's a mix of both."

"A nice mix, I hope." Edmund laughed.

"A nice mix." Peter agreed.

Lucy ran into the house again.

"She's not here yet!" She complained. Then her face brightened considerably. "But I'm sure she'll be arriving soon. Oh Peter, I can't wait! Do you think Eustace and Jill have been back to Narnia?"

Edmund laughed, holding up a hand to stem her flow of words.

"I'm sure they'll tell us in good time, so relax!"

Lucy laughed with him.

"I'm sorry... I guess I'm just so excited! I haven't talked properly about Narnia... since... since... since we came back from Narnia!"

"Peter, Edmund, Lucy..." Their mother interrupted. "I've just had a telephone call from Susan. She can't come."

* * *

Peter stared at his feet. The train rattled and shook the floor beneath his feet. He looked around at his siblings. Lucy was staring out of the window, her face completely blank - a stark contrast to the bouncy, happy girl earlier on. Edmund was staring at the bags, a heavy scowl on his face. 

_How could she?_ That was the thought most prominent in Peter's mind. _How could she just... leave us like this? And for her friend's party, of all things!_

He glanced around at Lucy.

_And to disappoint Lucy like that, after all she's been through in the past weeks. _A guilty stab of pain flashed through his heart. _Oh Su... how could you? Just how could you?_

* * *

Edmund studied the pattern on his bag. It wasn't much a pattern really... more a couple of stripes. He was fuming inside, though he tried - for Lucy's sake - not to show it. 

_Well, of all frivolous and fake beasts! _Edmund silently raged. _Why on earth does a party take priorty over family? Those 'friends' of yours, Susan? I've got news for you. They'll only stay with you for as long as you're beautiful. And when you're old and wrinkled, all you'll have left are your siblings - us. But why should you care? We're just bothers, tiresome bores. _

As he continued ranting in his mind, his anger died, only to be replaced by a dull ache.

_Oh... Susan..._

* * *

Lucy observed the fields and the horses rushing by. The train jerked to a stop at the train station. A girl, about the same age as she was when she left for the Professor's house, waved merrily at her. Lucy smiled in return, but couldn't muster the energy to wave back. The train started again. 

She turned her gaze towards her brothers and observed as emotions flashed across their unguarded faces. Peter looked despairing... then guilty... then despairing again. Edmund looked outraged, then resigned. It was strange reading their faces like an open book. She only hoped that her face was more guarded, especially regarding thoughts of Susan.

_Susan... oh, Susan, dear. You're lost. Come back, come back to Narnia. Awake, remember, think, feel, hear. Remember Aslan, Susan? Remember Mr. Tumnus and Rabasdash and the Golden Age? Remember Mr. and Mrs. Beaver? Remember the wolves, the foxes, Father Christmas, Jadis, the White Witch? Of course you remember, Su. You just don't want to. _

_But why?_

_Those were the best years of our lives. Even you enjoyed it - you were beautiful and dignified and suitors came in droves to seek your hand. After experiencing Narnian love, how can you settle for love in this world? It's not even love, Susan. It's just drunken men, lusting after your beauty. It's sinful, Susan. _

_Remember, Susan. _

_Please, we need you now._

* * *

Susan wondered dully through her euphoric haze what her siblings were doing at the moment. She glanced around at the party and marvelled that she could have even considered giving this up for a discussion of childhood fantasies. 

_Because that's all they ever were... right? That's all they could have ever been. I mean, beasts... talking? Trees... dancing? How could that have ever existed?_

She let out a derisive laugh, attracting the attention of the young men gathered near. One approached her and asked her to dance, but she ignored him, much too caught up in her musings.

_And to think we could have crowned ourselves Kings and Queens! How pretentious, how self-satisfied! Lucy was just a kid and so was Edmund, but Peter should have known better. And now, now we should all know better! And yet they are still out there, playing make-believe. _

Yes, bits of memory from their childhood was coming back now. Or was it their childhood? Somehow they had seemed...

_Older, somehow. No, don't be ridiculous. It was all a game. All a game._

And as she accepted a drink from the young man at her side, she could vaguely remember a lion's roar before she cast it all from her mind.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing or at least very little. Chapter 8 

Lucy stepped slowly out of the train after her brothers.

"Peter! Edmund! Lucy! Over here!" A girl waved them over.

"Hello Jill!" Peter smiled, leaning over to give the girl a friendly hug. "And Eustace – how are you?"

"Rather good." Eustace answered grinning. 'And you?"

"I'm fine." Peter answered, smiling briefly. "Just tired."

"I second that!" Edmund announced jovially, resolving to put his anger behind him. Eustace gave him a playful shove.

"So King Edmund can't stand a simple train ride?" He mocked laughingly.

"No, King Edmund cannot." Edmund declared stoically. "Give me a month long ship journey anytime."

"I completely agree." Peter nodded. "But _Eustace _on the other hand may have a different view."

The three of them laughed, remembering Eustace's first visit to Narnia. Eustace turned to Jill to explain.

"When I first went to Narnia I was a right ass."

"Aren't you always?" Jill asked playfully. Eustace glared at her for a moment, choosing not to answer. The four laughed together for a moment, then their laughter died away as they realised Lucy's melodious laughter did not resonate above theirs.

"Hello Lu…" Eustace hedged a tentative greeting. Lucy stood slightly apart from them, a blank expression on her face.

"Lu!" Peter exclaimed, sharply. Lucy shook her head, as though trying to get water from her ears and looked at them.

"Did you hear that?" She asked urgently.

"Hear… what?" Jill asked uncertainly. They waited for Lucy to reply and when she didn't, Edmund grasped her by the shoulders.

"Lucy! Hear what!"

Lucy gasped as though a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown on her.

"Let her go, Edmund!" Peter's voice was commanding and majestic. Edmund released Lucy as though he had been burnt. The slight girl stood there for a moment, listening hard to something none of them could hear.

Then she spoke. As she spoke, they saw that her eyes were brightened, like they were when she sampled the drinkable light on the Dawn Treader. Her voice was light like it was when she had jested with Caspian. And her countenance – her entire face – was lit up as though she had just seen the Great Lion himself.

"Aslan." The word melted in her mouth like a meringue." He spoke! He said our time was coming!"

The others exchanged looks.

"Lucy, dear… our time has already come… and gone. Aslan said we would never return to Narnia." Peter said gently.

"No!" Lucy shook her head; eyes shining with unshed tears. "It was he! I know it was…" She trailed off. "It matters not… or at least very little. Now, in any case." She mumbled. "Hello Eustace… Jill. How are you?"

"Well, thank you." Jill replied, smiling. "Shall we return? Aunt Polly is eager to see you three… four?" She and Eustace looked around. Peter braced himself for the question. Edmund glanced at Lucy, concerned. But Lucy met Eustace and Jill's questioning glances bravely.

"Where's Susan? Aunt Polly and the Professor said that she was coming…"

"She decided not to." Lucy spoke firmly. "My sister Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia."

Just hearing her say that in her clear voice made it suddenly all too true. Peter looked at Lucy.

"You are far braver than any of us." He said quietly. Lucy shrugged.

"No." She replied. "I am the most afraid of all."

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"Peter, Edmund… Lucy." The professor greeted them, nodding gravely. Aunt Polly swivelled around.

"Lucy! Peter! Edmund!" She stood up from her chair, knocking it over in her haste and rushed over to embrace them in turn.

"How are you?" The professor tapped his nose wisely as he watched Peter's hair being ruffled by the over-enthusiastic Polly. Peter could detect a slightly amused air about him as he watched.

"Fine, thank you." Lucy answered. The professor looked slightly puzzled.

"Fine, thank you? This isn't the Lucy I know…" He mused. Aunt Polly rolled her eyes exasperatedly.

"Diggory, children do grow up!"

The professor turned to face Polly.

"Yes." He said. "But not like this." He turned back to survey Lucy. "Child." He said. "Child. Wake up. Awake, remember, think, feel, hear."

And with that, Lucy flung her arms around his neck, sobbing as she had so many years ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: NO! Don't OWN IT!**

**A/N: Dedicated to _Sera and Tails _for making me write. )**

**Chapter** 9

The professor nodded to the other children, signalling for them to accompany Aunt Polly outside. As they left, they could hear Lucy's muffled words as she continued sobbing into the Professor's overcoat:

"I thought I could have called her back, but I didn't! I left it until too late, and now! Now she will never be free!"

Aunt Polly closed the door as the children filed out.

"She has had a great uprooting. But Lucy is strong … valiant." She beckoned to the children to follow her and they filed up the stairs in relative silence. "The house isn't as big as the Professor's." She announced as she opened the door. "Jill and Lucy will share a room and the boys must share another." Polly paused regretfully. "I hope you will not mind…"

"Oh no!" Peter exclaimed. "We are quite used to it … although Eustace may object…" He turned a faintly twinkling eye on the younger boy, in obvious reference to their journey on the Dawn Treader.

"I was an ass!" Eustace protested. "I am very much altered now!"

Polly laughed.

"I shall leave you to bicker meaninglessly for now. Do come down when you are ready."

"Thank you!" They chorused as she shut the door smilingly behind her. Then Edmund turned to Eustace and Jill.

"So tell us about Rilian once more – and Caspian! Was he a good king? He was always a jolly good friend; he must have been."

"Oh terribly good." Eustace answered. "Bet Rilian will be just as good.'

"I wonder how many years have passed since then…" Jill mused dreamily. A thick, wondering silence fell across the group. It was broken by the soft click of the door as Lucy let herself in.

"Hello everyone." She smiled shakily. "I've been a right old goose."

Edmund smiled at her.

"Never a goose, Lucy, dear. Never a goose."

And then they were all smiling and laughing together and everything was right again.

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Polly exchanged looks with Diggory as the children came down the stairs.

"They look much better already." Diggory pondered. "Perhaps this will do them good."

"Especially Lucy." Polly agreed.

They watched the children each in turn as they ran about the grass, transported back to their earlier years. How Peter had grown! He was no longer the strained boy he had been at the time of the War. Now he was old – practically a Man! He no longer fumbled when it came to handling his younger siblings – instead, he dealt with each with grace and wisdom. He was a fine boy, a fine Narnian King.

Edmund. Gone was sulky, sullen child, and in his place was a fair, just ruler. His eyes and face shone with laughter as he collapsed onto the grass. His eyes were no longer shadowed with guilt and memories – instead, they held a deeper knowledge – far deeper than any of his siblings – of what could be – what could _have _been and what could still be.

"They look happy." Diggory commented wistfully. Polly turned to him, smiling.

"Of course they are. You wouldn't have it any other way, would you?"

They laughed together, still observing the children.

"Eustace and Jill are much improved." Polly mused thoughtfully. "They is no longer what they were."

"And for that we are thankful enough." Diggory replied soberly.

"Where is Lucy?" Polly asked suddenly.

But that question was answered by itself as the girl came hurtling down the hill, long golden hair streaming out behind her. Her face was clear and open as it had been in the days before the darkness had fallen.

"Catch Peter!" She called as she threw the ball over to her brother, who caught it and laughed.

"Honestly, Lu, one would never think you'd been a Queen before!" He jested.

"Oh, but they would." Polly quibbled softly. "They would, Peter."

"They've changed." Diggory observed. "They've changed and grown up."

"So have you, Diggory. So have you."

They turned away from the window and walked back into the parlour. Outside, the sun shone all the brighter.

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I really am. ( Thank you for being lovely and patient with me though. Thank you so much.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I am C.S. Lewis back from the dead … hm … no. **

**Chapter 10**

"What did you love best about Narnia, Lucy?" Jill asked as they gathered around the dining table that night. Lucy looked pensive for a moment before replying.

"The fact that I could be … me." She finally answered, her face shining. Maybe some light had penetrated the thick heavy curtains that hung from the windows and was reflecting off her face? Or maybe the light came from within. Who knew?

Who wanted to?

The little company was quiet for a moment, then Edmund spoke, his voice ringing in the enclosed space.

"Is Susan so far beyond redemption, Professor?"

The old man sighed.

"Which of us can say, Edmund?" He asked wearily. "It is not for us to know … He will call her in his own time."

Edmund smiled – a crooked little smile that meant so much.

"Yes." He replied. "But will we be there to see it?"

A odd chill filled the air, and they shifted uneasily in their seats. Then Lucy's eyes grew wide as she stared at a spot just behind Edmund's head.

"Ed…" She whispered. "Look."

They all looked and stared in amazement. A man stood there – a not-quite man – his form indistinct and shaky. He was stained with dust and faint traces of blood. Clad in armour, he stood there with a wondering expression on his face. Lucy made a startled little noise, her face alight with an expression that none of them could name.

"Speak, if you are not a phantom or a dream." Peter said abruptly, addressing the figure boldly. "You have a Narnian look about you, and we are the seven friends of Narnia."

The figure opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead looked as though words had failed him. Peter rose to his feet.

"Shadow or spirit or whatever you are. If you are from Narnia, I charge you, in the name of Aslan, speak to me. I am Peter the High King."

A light seemed to go on in the figure's eyes (was it the same one that had reflected off Lucy's face?) and he appeared about to speak. But then, little by little, he began to fade.

"Look, it's fading!" Eustace exclaimed.

"It's … melting away!" Jill added, astonishment written all over her face.

"It's vanishing…" Lucy breathed.

Edmund and Peter didn't say anything, just exchanged looks that were so filled with such meaning.

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"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? We must use those Rings." Eustace sighed exasperatedly. "They're our only hope."

The others nodded, except for the Professor and Aunt Polly – who looked grave – and Lucy – who looked mutinous.

"I'm not entirely sure about this, children." The Professor confessed. "Aslan once told Polly and I that we would have no need of magic rings while he was with us…."

"Exactly!" Lucy burst out. "And if we use them, we're telling him that we don't need him!"

Polly bit her lip.

"Lu … I understand what you're saying … but Narnia could _need _us." Jill pleaded. "_Please _understand …"

Lucy shrugged – an uncharacteristically annoyed gesture. "Do what you will." She conceded at last. "But I still don't think it's a good solution.

"It's our only one." Peter said matter-of-factly. Lucy looked up at him; eyes shining with unshed tears of frustration.

"I'll do as you will, Peter." She said quietly. "But Aslan, forgive us."

And as they bent over the table to continue making plans, the light that shone from nowhere seemed to illuminate the room and light up Lucy's unhappy face.

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**A/N: **I'm back from hibernation! And it's the HOLIDAYS! Which means I can update a lot more:D :D Thanks for sticking with me guys, it's nearly … sniff … over.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **I own the DVD of Narnia and the books. But then again, so does everyone else …

**Chapter 11**

Lucy watched as the boys waved cheerfully to them from the platform, an anxious smile lingering on her lips. As the train started to pull out of the station, she was suddenly seized by a childish urge to run after them. _Childish … or child-like?_

"Bye!!" Edmund yelled out of the window. "We'll send you a line!"

Jill grinned and ran after the train, shouting as she ran. Lucy glanced back at the Professor and Aunt Polly who were standing on the platform beside her. The Professor looked up and caught her eye, giving a barely perceptible shrug. She smiled back, ignoring the twinging feeling of warning that plucked at her stomach. Following Jill and Eustace, she ran after them, capering about wildly after the train.

As the train pulled out of the station, the three slowed to a walk and Eustace turned to face them, hands deep in his pockets.

"So what are we doing now?" he asked eagerly. Jill grinned expectantly, looking to Lucy for an answer.

"I'm … not sure," she replied as they walked back to the Professor and Aunt Polly.

"Aunt Polly, what are we doing now?" Jill ran up to the old lady, tugging on her arm.

"Well …" the Professor cut in. "We could be standing on a train station … or we could be waiting for someone."

Eustace frowned. "We've just seen the boys off," he said matter-of-factly. "Why would we be waiting for someone?"

The Professor made no reply, choosing to light his pipe and whistle while doing so instead. Lucy stared from him to Aunt Polly, as another train pulled into the station, drowning out Eustace and Jill's cries of confusion. Turning slowly, she watched as the smoke from the train slowly dispersed and the doors pulled open. A stream of people poured out, in suits and travelling dresses, and they rushed away. But when the train had left the station, one person was left behind.

Susan was dressed in a fine travelling dress, with a scarf pulled over her head to keep her curls neatly in place. Now, she unwound the scarf and stepped towards them, as the porter brought her luggage over. She ran a gloved hand over her cheek, as though checking that her skin was completely intact. As she walked over, a disgruntled expression spread over her face and made itself known.

"Sir," she greeted the professor.

"Susan. So glad you could join us," Aunt Polly said, beaming profusely.

"I'm happy to be here," Susan said, though her eyes told a different story. "Eustace and Jill too! How … lovely."

Lucy bit her lip as they loaded Susan's luggage into the pony-drawn cart. Waiting behind her sister, she watched as Jill and Eustace bounded into the wagon eagerly, chattering madly. In stark contrast, Susan stepped up delicately, holding her hand out as though for some invisible escort.

"Honestly, Lu," she said over her shoulder. "Did you have to draw out every one of these kids to your little gathering?"

Stung, Lucy kept silent as she jumped up into the wagon after Susan. As the cart rocked across the bumpy road, she joined in with Eustace and Jill's conversation, trying to ignore the sour expression on Susan's face as she answered the Professor and Aunt Polly's questions politely.

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**A/N: **Well. I'm back? I'm so sorry for the horrible wait, but now I actually have the details of the story mapped out, so I know who's meant to be where when the train rounds the platform … so I have a direction now? I know it probably seems odd to bring Susan back, but I thought Lucy needed one more encounter with her and nothing in the book suggests she didn't … or something like that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!! And I wouldn't be surprised if none of my readers are around … but … I'm sorry?


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